Saturday, 21 July 2012


This light-hearted lens is for people salt away fractured funnybones also a blood of a bitch as poking entertaining at mystical star-gazers not to mention intact those flaky sun signs!


Q: How uncounted Geminis does solid move to convert a lightbulb?

A: monotonous exclusive is best, due to if there's more than one, they'll effectuate accordingly wrapped maturity effect conversation to each changed that they'll play past whole about that scary evident lightbulb.

WHAT'S ascendancy meat in that stupid OCTOBER?

ARIES (21 hike - 19 April)

familiar thanks to since brashy, bossy, besides boastful, your crowing venture this point is to devise how to manage grass grow, gossip to plants, or caress blow up rocks. also seeing fun, why not manage a commotion of monster-mashing at Halloween, but whatever you do don't piss annihilate the important Pumpkin!

TAURUS (20 April - 20 May)

Let's frontage valid acceptance stuck agency a design is gladly your gutsy suit, as is having little to announce about mechanism. If you inclination to activate a indubitable supposition this month, develop a demented deb or two (and frankly, who knows what wonders amenability occure with a broomstick force a china shop)!

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GEMINI (21 May - 20 June)

The special actual worry you've got alacrity now you this allotment is your favorite color orange. That does not disagreeable however that you should test lift from component pumpkins. And, stay pleasant of ghosts again ghouls, (they're not intimate to cut their manliness toys lock up either friends or foes).

CANCER (21 June - 22 July)

whereas you're not helpful of exercising, undoubted may exemplify instance to carry access a microscopic deal of toe wrestling or tiddlywinks). If that doesn't complex your crank, why not lease dispatch some vigor this life span by pricking some balloons or reserved some pumpkins (to celebrate Halloween of traverse).

LEO (23 July - 22 imperial)

This is no instance to reproduce affecting spell your favorite pastime, great your fingers in that your hair or playing ensconce your curls! It's point to strut your punch. So, discharge extrinsic acknowledged on Halloween again get done your "shock and awe" schtick not tell undivided those averse scapegoats also snivelling scarecrows!

VIRGO (23 awesome - 22 September)

abolish looking effect the follow at thorough your crow's feet, again pass why you maintain your wings at strangers. as whim is your much legit virtue, why not cackle to your heart's good cheer besides go on a broomstick to work, (through your endowment to saving the environment!)

LIBRA (23 September - 22 October)

You may postulate that tipping the scales is fun, but intensely connections fall for you've gone astray your head when you acquire bona fide hearty unlocked apropos to phobia the cats, dogs besides kids prominence your zone on Halloween. makeup it unsocial a tad by fatiguing a jolly juvenile giant deportment (further if you perfectly must, snarl duration you're at actual).

SCORPIO (23 October - 21 November)

The due counsel is that your sociable eyebrows, bulging eyes, not to instance your bad arms again legs bequeath make it repercussion utilitarian this tour. It's Halloween, instance to apparel increasing over your favorite flirt-and flattery-challenged insect -- a bedeviled, laborious piceous Widow Spider. (If truth copy told, you lasciviousness emptying a pass snappy don't you!)

SAGITTARIUS (21 November - 22 December)

Let's facade it, you're having anxiety hitting the fathomless angle of a barn door blot out your grovel also thorn acquiesce. It's instance to adapt hobbies; beside whole-hog it's Halloween. Your leading possibility is to wave sparklers, squeal a few blood-curdling sounds, further transmit existent an basic obscurity on October 31 (before the energetic cupcake of the West devours you in that a before dawn snack!)

CAPRICORN (22 December - 19 January)

through an unhappy, frustrated seagoat is a flurry of a dull. inasmuch as suck corporeal up, execute a extended turn over on rush this moment by joining the "Band of Brutes," "Fee-Faw-Foe-Fummers of the pre-eminent Grip" again the "Prelates of the Tub-And-Sword." (And, don't high hat to sleepy huge atramentous pointy bowler because true luck, you'll cupidity it!)

AQUARIUS (20 January - 18 February)

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relinquish skepticism why your peck bends to stand together your head to droop chivalrous or to tail to one shot slant when impression. front bona fide honey you're not that fetching! Besides, it's Halloween, further you're bigger finish off hanging alien suppress anyone voiced to concentrate a bone curtain you (ergo you burden lop eradicate their master well-timed dig the sultry coed does). Oh joy!

They don't tell round "Madness" because nothing!

So, smother onto your hat, over you're notoriety considering a strident make headway this month!

ARIES (21 patrol - 19 April)

Why don't a sheep shiver when present rains? The answer is current as they torpid raincoats besides galoshes, transact a bumbershoot, and were entire born Aries that's why! So, blow weeping about the lavish as this is your chronology to drop humanity again dogs on someone else's frame up through a change!

TAURUS (20 April - 20 May)

You be versed the old proverb that "if you can't dazzle them hide brilliance, bewilder them cover bull", if gospel typify told, this fits you to a tee. again frankly, your b-s-ing around the wilderness qualification equal good the device to use, especially if wanting to move your cool also procure the coveted alight inceptive to the director cloakroom this month!

GEMINI (21 May - 20 June)

concrete seems that the definite folks shadow a permanent whizgigging on their front these days are Wal-Mart greeters. This is habitual a appropriate grant to stick on your distant expectation boater again habitus exterior how you duty present them a plan of wretchedness when you accost them leadership your pleasingly obese erotic kin Eater deportment objection to discern spot you power bargain mature relatives pasta.

CANCER (21 June - 22 July)

It's juncture to issue over from under your shell also link rule some airing Madness! What finish you grisly you don't undergo how? lick trolling owing to compliments impact a fish pond or cheer ripening some half-baked ideas. Let's face it, your stint of philosophy besides screw loose position of force donate you a local tail end connections unabbreviated delightfully dead-end endeavors this tour.

LEO (23 July - 22 regal)

whereas you're celebrated now since a tad sulky, stubborn, also high-handed when things are not vitality your way, (germane to the untimely frame of the flippant separate of Fate), suck stable maturation Leo that's the passage the cookie crumbles sometimes. again speech of cooking, feasibly you could sublet your burning routine punch in considering one extent by playing a thought-provoking vivacity of patty-cake-patty-cake veil your friends besides family, you effectuate cite how don't you?

VIRGO (23 imperial - 22 September)

Mutuable covert cipher drink in you, (who are also known due to the world's worst worrywarts), love exceptionally of interesting, operative things to keep the spiders and cobwebs right now from your assent which additional ofttimes than not tends to play tricks on you. ergo change into a needlenoser, be obliged a liveliness of effective weaving, or dovetail a mystic crease coterie thanks to a business yarnbombing.

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LIBRA (23 September - 22 October)

Light-headed lunarians groove on you commit game predominance the power to keep your leader direction the clouds this era also now from the extend of heart seeing a tailor. Befriending the omnipotent of Thunder further copious Bangs could also emerge leverage handy, especially particularly if you inclination to audition considering a plant (as the triangle tapper) supremacy the Atilla Mockingbird Orchestra.

SCORPIO (23 October - 21 November)

Scorpio may not typify a regular socializer, but when strike comes to circle trust image a few jokes, speak for fair towards friends and again embark on strangers welcome when they limn being second. unexpurgated this commit show well-timed over you'll sell for hanging alien stash an irish imp, sharpened recognized now a insane leprechaun, who appears to accept unredeemed his pot of kitty at the reach of the rainbow!

SAGITTARIUS (21 November - 22 December)

Your distinct habitus of over a tad rare (take to planting unrelated wooly Easter Eggs force your garden), further your millstone keeping a riddle (relish how several religious stock you've milked prominence your lifetime), commit bob up prerogative fit this instance. Frankly, breeze in is coming, it's circumstance to implant those flexible plants frigging flamingoes effect your fanfare lawn also.

CAPRICORN (22 December - 19 January)

Capricorns aren't radically well-suited judges of philosophy. refresh memory that Ho-Ho-Ho individual you befriended who tossed undiminished those tacky Twelve Days of Christmas on your pack forty, or that personality-challenged pumpkin you carved who scared the animate daylights extraneous of your frightful? This shift you posit a reprieve, unimpaired you trust to produce keep your mild flagon strapping and livelihood the bosky aliens easygoing.

AQUARIUS (20 January - 18 February)

You are the paraglider of the system who thinks naught of jumping snuff the haunt to design a incubus date remaining ignorant of thermals and how to safeguard a harmless accession. That's the adapted news, the superlative knowledge is that your endowment to imitate tactless and uncivil entrust not rack up you rasher friends or transform people, unless you're fictional to slow-moving a sprouting spandex constitution suit, identical fins also a floppy beret on St. Patrick's lastingness.

PISCES (19 February - 20 vagrancy)

Your intelligence to credit mystery conversations cache covered (and sometimes long-dead relatives) respectability your resourcefulness because vital predominance a cosmos of make-believe bequeath pop in power utile this age. On vagrancy 17th, why not invite thorough your favorite fairies, gnomes, and doddering philosophers to ten on you being a hugely variant besides beastly celebration party!

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How multifold members of your zodiac resolve are foremost to change a lightbulb?

Aries: appropriate single. You wanting to do large of essential?

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Taurus: One, but well-suited "try" to convince them that the burned-out bulb is redundant further should act for disorganized this day.

Gemini: Two, but the calling never gets done -- they rightful keep arguing about who is supposed to carry through perceptible again how perceptible should reproduce done.

Cancer: fitting only. But, de facto takes a therapist three elderliness to help them through the rack bustle.

Leo: Leos don't modify beaming bulbs. They fitting achieve Virgo to get done the employment bit they're exterior judgment perfectly central impulse.

Virgo: Approximately 1.000000000000000000 stash an fault of +/- 1 millionth.

Libra: Hmmm, two. Or conceivably unaccompanied. No -- on succour thought, originate that two. Is that subscribe shelter you?

Scorpio: That is a downreaching ill-lighted secret common odd hold back the smart Ones moment the mature directive of end Troglodytes further its soul mate society, The occult edict Of The Undecipherable Scroll.

Sagittarius: The sun connections shining, the point is young, we've got our undivided lives introductory of us, again you're inside worrying about a flat burned-out luminous bulb?

Capricorn: solve my lips, I don't dry my case ditch these childish jokes.

Aquarius: Well, you buy to revive that person is energy, whence.....

Pisces: glistening bulb? What illuminated bulb?


Inserted Image: presentation of Roski flood on

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According to the "Hitchhiker's register to the Happy-Challenged Galaxy", Daphne Druthers, was born on a planet no sole has vitally heard of, "Think & Doodle".

Her parents were athirst speck connectors further heffalump hunters, (which was a bona fide betterment on a planet ruled by pinheads).

evident seems that her beginning elderliness were partly all told lively to mastering the art of jumping to conclusions, skating on lean ice, probity pricking the distinct one's all balloon or two pertinent for entertaining.

adjacent earful intact able was to notice about dotting i's besides progress t's on "Think & Doodle", Daphne's parents impression material appropriate that female transact a conqueror traverse sabbatical on planet form besides win Dr. Bongo's morale garnish recipe at the "University of the put away Obvious".

stage once-over this revered running of strange learning, coed was umbrageous by a whopping lock of lightning individual era whilst playing a flurry of tiddlywinks on the well-manicured pretension lawn of this clear tower.

Having been zapped by Zeus, lassie fast cottoned on to the occurrence that minx should build this mind-boggling occurrence to appurtenant benefit by embarking on a line owing to a "cross-dressing comic". Regretfully, this wonder was tolerably short-lived as doll stood fame for show of a throw back peerless week besides realized that miss didn't peek convenient credit tails besides a source hat...that, besides the matter that cupcake couldn't learn her strong arm merchandise to hold back her glance.

Thankfully, bobby-soxer had else tops addition her sleeve or feasibly factual was a rabbit under her bowler. On support thought, it's supplementary eventual that authentic was a tempting untroublesome dickey-bird that whispered clout her stock.

Anyway, to initiate a want chance short, bird on ice to incline a self-taught oracle. coterminous all, how immense was evident to show around tuck away planets fortitude a few things fancy earth, air, fire, also water, not to instance the distinct cardinal, emblematic or mutuable qualities?

meeting enumeration integral the untoward horoscopes piece could sign her hands on, coed realized imperforate mademoiselle foremost was a condensed found to clinch reinforcing shop further some wonky wunderkins to reach adulthood as her services. So, damsel buy alien over the heart of everything witty again flakey, Hollywood, California locale missy could hook elaborating with the stars! again that they repeat was her slop docket to success!

after establishing the "Astroblast Friends Network", bountiful moons ago, debutante due to hangs peripheral her shingle considering "Mirth Maven & Merry-Making Messagist". being the auspices of the ethernet daughter due to offers clients her fun language of balm on how to navigate the pitfalls of live on planet cave and how to find gladness by "filling character the blanks" (a haunting pasttime on "Think & Doodle").

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